For many years of my life I have struggled with various allergies that have caused me to feel alone at many tables I have sat at. Church dinners, friend hangouts, restaurants and celebrations… they all leave me feeling, even slightly, like I have no place at the table.
Many of my thoughts regarding this trip the past months have been full of caution regarding the food I would be eating, both in Nashville and abroad. While I tried not to dwell on the thoughts too long, there were moments of anxiety wondering if I would get sick from the food in front of me and whether or not I would be able to serve my team even in sickness. However, I know that fear has no place in the presence of God because there is always freedom in the Spirit of the Lord.
There are many voices in the world that encourage submission to anxious thoughts. Anxiety was never something to conquer but something I saw many people endure; I found it hard to believe that in the Spirit of the Lord I really could be free from fear of the food in front of me, or the fear of missing out.
When I was first diagnosed with the food sensitivities I have, it was easy and comfortable to sit in the fear without bothering the people around me. However, God’s kids are called to be different. I knew that coming into this trip anxious thoughts would not only impact my educational experience but also influence the team as a whole. I refused to come into this trip with the fear that has often held me back from engaging in social moments surrounding eating and dining together. If Jesus commanded us to banquet together in remembrance of Him, I knew I could banquet with my friends with food without the fear that was often present in those moments.
So, I did the only thing I knew to do and I brought it to the Lord in prayer and laid my worries at His feet. With my words I expressed to Him that I have no need to be worried. Never once did the Israelite’s shoes wear out in the wilderness, so I will hold fast to the confidence that my God will be faithful to place meals in front of me that will nourish my body to do the things His people need. The world loves fear, but God has called me to something higher.
On the morning before internship began, I sat on my couch eating a breakfast I had prepared for myself, thinking to all the meals I would eat within the next 7 weeks that I had no control over. “This body is yours, Lord,” is what I told Him, reminding myself that it is in Him I live and move and having my being, and He will sustain me. I walked into the day with the confidence that comes from being a vessel of God’s Spirit.
After church on our first day, all of the interns had a brunch together of my favorite foods. Within a couple moments of waiting in the food line, multiple people approached me regarding my allergies, informing me that all of the food was cooked safety according to all my sensitivities. There was no part of me that was surprised, I had full confidence that the Lord would provide, just as He always has. Later in the evening at a neighborhood host home, I had another incredible dinner and breakfast with food cooked safety that tasted phenomenal. For the first time in a very long time, I feel free to eat the food placed in front of me without fear of the consequences. For the first time in a long time at community events, I feel like I have a place at the table. Through God’s people showing me Christ like hospitality, I know I have a place at God’s table.
I am so exciting for the trip ahead, knowing that fear has no place at God’s table and where He is, there is freedom.